I had two love affairs with men who were twenty years younger than me, but before you hurry up and shoot me as my old fashioned younger self would do, let me confess that they have been among the most beautiful and passionate experiences in my life.
And just because my conservative consciousness took control fast and managed to kill them, I’d like to advise YOU the woman who has just started dating a much younger man, to live it to the fullest and put your thinking mind to sleep for as long as possible. Usually it’s that part of our mind that sabotages our birthright to happiness. Since HAPPINESS is our topic here, I’d like to dwell a bit more into this aspect of intimate relationships.
It turns out that the most sophisticated and highly educated a woman is, the more dilemmas she has to step through on her way to personal happiness. This should easily be explained by the fact that sophistication can be broken down to a higher volume of mental models she has established as guidance systems for her journey in life. Usually this type of woman grows more independent with time. And that is not always a measure of happiness. Men need to fulfill their DNA nested archetype of a Provider. By performing in the Provider’s Role, they draw self-validation and satisfaction especially from a female that doesn’t appear to threaten their “throne”.
I admire Demi Moore on her decisiveness to put her personal happiness above social stereotypes that have lost their value long ago. There is no brighter picture than that of a couple in love. Apparently Ashton Kutcher is a man with excellent taste…
Slap my theory but let me tell you this : us powerful and independent women might trigger a man’s competitive instincts even while our feminine attitude is as carefully polished as he crazily desires. The threat is always there. With a much younger man, there is no such confusion of archetypes to jeopardize the passion. The climate is fresh and pure. The woman falls primarily for a man’s potential, and the fact that this man’s potential is into the making, leaves wildly broad frames of possibilities open and sets the ground for a convention which is so convenient for both. The woman can picture this young man’s future with her imagination, as she would like her ideal MAN to be, while she lets him be himself. And the young man sails for the breathtaking adventure of conquering a real woman. This is a fair trade.
As for the lovemaking part of the story, it plays a major role in the whole magic. He seeks, she knows. He craves she anticipates. They’re so complementary. She feels she’s making love with a God and he is so excited by the sheer fact that he touches, feels and shares with a Goddess. He doesn’t care about complicated issues, she gets beamed to a dimension that’s so un-earthy and at the same time so much a piece of her core existence. She’s her girlish self again. A new chance. A new start. A totally diverse scenario than what should be right for her according to the social standards.
One of the reasons I love Madonna, is her apparent choice to put herself into a nonstop self-improvement process. To know how to laugh you have to shed rivers of tears, and to know how to love you must have been brutally hurt. To know how to stand up and fight is to know how to cope with fall and defeat. When asked by nosey journalists why she was dating a man thirty years younger than her she gave the amazing reply “Because I Can”.
I couldn’t agree more. To have a much younger man attracted to you is a victory by default. It presupposes that you miss no chance to love yourself and celebrate your femininity. To have the guts to date him and be socially open about this relationship, means your insecurities have no significant power over your “ego”, and you are not using social taboos as an alibi for running away from happiness. Cultivating communication channels between the two of you and exploring fields of common interest and appeal is another step to deploy the bonding further and sanitize it from “transactional” shadows.
I was seeing his gorgeous face in the dark while he was kissing me, and it felt like a dream. Yes this man was kissing ME…ME….ME…. holding me tight all night long. What should I feel guilty for?
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